I received this question on Tik Tok this month, and I was not aware how common this experience was shared by others. As a therapist, we are trained to reflect on the experiences of our clients, so it originally caught me off guard to learn how many individuals worried about the experiences of their therapist. On the other hand, it makes a lot of sense to me. Of course, you’d want to know how the therapist is holding and absorbing such vulnerable pieces of your life.
So, what’s the answer?
The short answer is yes. The longer answer is yes as well, but I’d like to unpack it some more. The therapeutic relationship is essential to the foundation for healing in a therapy space. It can also be a space that does not feel inherently safe for a variety of reasons:
1) We are initially strangers (often the case)
2) You are divulging of your experiences, but the therapist is not doing the same
3) Individuals in your life and community may show that they are personally impacted by your experiences (i.e. hurt, empathy, shared frustration, etc).
Any of the situations above, and those not included, could absolutely lead you to believe that you may be hurting or negatively impacting your therapist by sharing your story. This may cause you to feel hesitant to share or even overly apologize for sharing your feelings in therapy. Again, this makes sense. However, you are not hurting your therapist by sharing your feelings and past experiences in therapy.
Not only are we trained to support you, but we are also happy when you share your feelings and experiences with us in the therapeutic space. Even in the worst situations or concerns, we are not hurt by you sharing your experiences, but we may hold compassion and sadness for the hurt that you had to experience. It’s a true honor that you trust us to hold that hurt with you and that you have an uninterrupted, safe space to process your feelings.
If you start to wonder if your story is too big, scary, or “too much” for your therapist, I want you to remind yourself of the following:
1) We are trained to support you. If we need help, we can seek supervision or consultation to ensure we can support you in the best way, or even offer a referral to someone that can best support you in the ways you deserve.
2) The narrative of you and your feelings being “too much” may come from previous relationships and experiences. It’s okay to begin sharing these worries in therapy and to process through these feelings with your therapist.
3) Many therapists are currently in or have been in therapy or community, so they have spaces to process their feelings or concerns.
4) If things occur in the therapeutic relationship that cause you to feel this way, you can always discuss the concerns with your therapist. If you do or feel it is unsafe to do so, there are plenty of therapists available to support you as well.
5) You deserve a safe and open space to process. Therapy can be that for you.
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Kayla Bell-Consolver, MS, LMHC
Pronouns: She/Her
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