Let me start by saying I have a very deep fear of being harmed or something bad happening to me when I travel by flying. I recognize that many of these fears come from being a vulnerable age when 9/11 occurred and Greys Anatomy. If you’re a true Greys fan then you recall the season I’m referencing, however given that I’m not certain if you have watched Greys Anatomy, have a desire to, or have recently started, I will refrain from any spoilers.
So, when I would prepare to travel or board an aircraft, I could feel the anxious part of me become tense in my chest, whisper worries of “what if” thoughts, and paint images in my head of what could happen to me. It’s quite terrifying. So how did I cope? I went to sleep. There was another part that told me “If we’re asleep when the bad thing happens, then at least we don’t feel it.”
That made sense to me, and I was able to trains myself to sleep on every plane during travel. In fact, I’d buy plane tickets for very early flights as I’d still be tired and therefore it’d be easier to sleep. I was coping with my anxiety in the best way that I knew how, but what was I missing.
Today I learned what I was missing: The land. There was a part of me so worried about what would happen to me, that I also was unable to witness the beauty of flying. I am not ashamed of this part of me as I understand it, but I realized I was trying to silence it rather than comfort it. As I was flying this morning, I looked out the window and was in awe of the landscape from Iowa to the mountains in Phoenix. I felt my anxious part feel like it could take a breath and look out the window with me. I didn’t ignore its concerns, but rather invited its concerns in and offered reassurance.
This change did not happen suddenly, and there’s a part of me that wishes I could give you the quick way to make it all better, but that wouldn’t be fair to you and your parts. At the same time, I’d like to invite you to begin some of the practices below to aid in your responses to your anxious parts.
1. Notice and listen to for what your anxious part is communicating.
2. Practice sending validating and compassionate touch, words, or energy to this part of you.
3. Get curious about where your anxious part’s concerns stem from.
4. Reflect on what this part feels it needs. Sometimes it needs comfort, reassurance, to be able to prevent the past from happening again, etc..
5. Remain patient and open throughout the process, especially if this is a new process for you.
It is okay if this feels challenging, especially if you’ve never engaged in parts work before. If it becomes hard, imagine that your thought or feeling is a friend, person, or object that is trying to communicate something to you. It will be important that you take on the role of someone that is genuinely curious and open to understanding what they want you to know. By practicing this, it’ll help you to build connection with the various parts of you. Connection is where the healing begins.
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Kayla Bell-Consolver, MS, LMHC
Pronouns: She/Her
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